#medic from the hit game tf2

[bozo7834]

medic anyone

[ozzyeelz]

heavymedic content and impromptu top surgery? hell yeah brother sign me up

Happy pride y’all

[get-more-bald]

being a tf2 fan has you searching shit like "us draft 1968" "us military drafts" "wars united states participation" "vietnam war drafts"

[guarshroom]

I can be normal about Random Crits in TF2.

[lenny-link]

TF2 x SU au fusions!

oof this took too long but i finally made it !

I kept @gracefireheart Andalusite (HeavyMedic) and @cariocay ‘s Turquoise (EngieSpy) (that i just realized their account got deactivated just a few days ago im sad now) fusion designs because i just found them perfect and whenever i wanted to try making my own designs i always ended up with making something similar to theirs since i was very influenced so i just kept them! They’re so awesome plz check the original artists!

my designs :3 :

About the fusions:

I tried to choose a theme for every fusion that suits the characters like Spessartite (DemoSolly) is a warrior i put Demo’s sword with Soldier’s shield thing well he doesn’t specifically have a shield but yknow the helmet thing i thought that could work.

He’s very powerful, strong and jump into action without a second thought, while he possesses immense strength and a love for loud and chaotic things, his battle prowess is a double-edged sword since his attacks lack precision. however, this unpredictability often leaves his enemies confused and scrambling to defend. he fights more efficiently when drunk lol

Lepidolite (MedicSpy) is a plague doctor, he is very inspired by Hannibal Lecter (nbc Hannibal lol shout out to that one Anon who recommended it for me to watch it lol) at first i wanted to give him a bistouri as a weapon, since it would suit Medic’s saw with Spy’s small knife, but then i felt the fusion was leaning too much towards Medic than Spy, so i put a cane instead to give that old idk gentleman look :P

He is polished and sophisticated, with a hint of underlying sadism and very precise in his movements, he meticulously analyzes his opponents, exploiting weaknesses with surgical precision before jumping into action and strike right where it hurts the most, the cane appears to be a simple walking stick, but inside is a hollowed core that had a retractable, poison-tipped blade, and his poison isn't fast-acting he enjoys toying with his victims, watching as the venom slowly takes hold, fueling his twisted sense of amusement. they are far from being the strongest fusion but they rely a lot on making their opponent weaker by their ability to attack precise hits as well as poisoning them!

Carnelian (SniperScout) his design was inspired by a equestrian outfit (he was the hardest to design tbh bc i wanted his design to be specifically different from the others since Scout is half human so i wanted this "human" aspect to show in the fusion).

He is a walking paradox, he's got Sniper's calm confidence with Scout's hyperactive energy, he loves a good plan but his execution is often fueled by pure adrenaline, he can zip across the battlefield with incredible speed, dodging attacks and flanking enemies. good at mid range and long range attacks but weak at close range, has internalized monologues with himself a lot, he appears calm on the surface however, his foot constantly taps, he fidgets with his slingshot, he cannot stays in place for too long. enjoys taking challenges.

Rubellite (DemoPyro) is a robot with a 50’s cartoon style but with like a creepy vibe to it, their voice sounds like a broken radio perpetually stuck on a laugh track, is both infectious and unsettling.

They just as powerful as Spessartite but just a bit more agile and lean more on the defense style than offense, their body stretches in a cartoony way and battles become a twisted playground for them, a child's game where they hop and blow things up everywhere. they’re very joyful and loves to have fun while making chaos, they usually make jokes but no one understands their muffled voice so they often laugh all by themselves lol the weapon actually expands where the ball and the shaft of the mace connects there’s a chaine (i didnt draw it cuz there was already too much going on in the drawing lol) which helps them reach target from close to mid range easily, they twist and turn their body in very flexible ways before swatting their weapon at their target.

♠︎ If you want to suggest a pair for the next fusion please just comment here DO NOT send it in my ask box plz !!

And if you want to make your own fusion designs/fanart go ahead ! id love to see other people’s interpretations could be ! just don’t forget to tag me and add the tag ( tf2 x su au) :D

hope you enjoy !

+ early designs :

[zarla-s]

Why are there so many bots on TF2 in the first place? It's a free game, and afaik most of the bots were idling--how are they making any money or gain out of it?

Well the aimbotters were just trolling and being destructive, that's simple enough. The idlebotters are a bit more complicated though.

In TF2 you get random item drops as you play, I think capped to about ten a week. They're usually just different weapons for each class, although rarely it'll be a hat or something cool (in all my time playing I have gotten ONE cosmetic drop, a wintery coat for Medic, but I've gotten some cool name tags and such). You can smelt down extras of those weapons into metal that you can use to make other hats or weapons. Easy way for actual players to keep their inventory clean and maybe make a hat or two (I've made a few! But it takes a while to get enough metal). You can also get loot crate/case drops as you play, these are unrelated to the item drops and can't be smelted down.

So basically what these idlers do is they set up private servers and have their bots (which can range in the hundreds or thousands) constantly farm for drops. They then usually sell what they get in bulk to traders - they can sell bulk crate/cases to traders, smelt down weapons into metal and bulk sell that to traders, use the metal to craft hats and sell those, or use the metal to buy keys (which are used to open loot crates/cases) and then sell what they get out of the crates, or sell the keys for a profit. Either way.

A piece of scrap metal or a weapon is worth less than a penny and most everything you can make out of metal is also extremely cheap (because of this very thing), so the only way to really make a profit off of this is do it in bulk. It doesn't seem like a lot of money if you're in America, but in other countries a few dollars can go a longer way, and a lot of the bot farms seem to be in Russia or Turkey. I don't know exactly how much money is made doing this but it's enough for a whole ton of idlers to hang around in TF2 doing it, so.

The end result of all this is massive inflation in the TF2 market - originally when the crafting system was first introduced you could get a key (about 2$) for something like 3 refined metal (there are three tiers of metal you can get, with ref taking 18 weapons to make), while now it takes 60ref to buy a key, and it just keeps going higher as the market is flooded with more metal/items/cases. The recent banwave removed some like 20k cases from the steam market according to one person, which again points to it hitting the idlers.

It's an interesting thing for Valve to do... getting rid of the aimbots is obvious because they make the game unplayable, but getting rid of idlers points to interest in cleaning up the TF2 economy, which is completely unexpected. What is Valve up to...

[can-i-see-your-passport-please]

Okay so here's everything I know about TF2. Please no one elaborate on anything I know about, because I think it's so much funnier if I have no context to anything. I have absorbed all of this through Tumblr osmosis

Emesis Blue is an excellent film

Soldier apparently was never an actual soldier, he just loves America and really wanted to kill Nazis (the second one i respect greatly)

Medic would probably give you a lobotomy for fun (i don't think this guy's even a doctor)

Two really old guys are fighting bloody wars over gravel I think and their father is named Grey Mann which was most definitely meant to make Gman enjoyers lose it but to be fair his name could also be Gary Man.

What am I on

Heavy and Medic are apparently gay but idk if this is a fandom seeing two men next to each other and going "gay" thing or a "all but confirmed gay" thing but TVTropes referred to them as "Heterosexual Life Partners" which is very funny

emesis blue is so fucking good oh my godddddd the respawn machine is horrifying just from the concept it turned scout into soup

Scout is half French and loves his mother (who is not french) and does not love his father (spy i think)

Medic presumably died went to hell and told the devil "oh I'm like a cat I have nine souls actually. So I should get to go back to being alive" and it fucking worked??????

THE FUCKING SCENE IN?? IN EMESIS BLUE??? WHERE. WHERE SOLDIER TELLS MEDIC "YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT OUT" AND MEDIC SAYS "i KNOW" BEFORE HE JUST FUCKING DIES AND HE'S THE PROTAGONIST SO YOU'D EXPECT HIM TO LIVE RIGHT??? AND THEN HE JUST DIES AND DOESN'T APPEAR AGAIN FOR SO SO LONG

Pyro is an any pronouns warrior and it commits great atrocities while also having so much sillyness in his heart. I love her

I think Engineer blowed up his arm. I think

Spy is a cunt and also French. I do not think this I know this. I look at him and I sense his cuntery. It radiates off him. I can feel it.

SOMETHING ABOUT THE LETTER M BEING BRANDED ONTO MEDIC'S FACE BEING A REFERENCE TO THE MOVIE SCOUT WAS WATCHING WHERE THE LETTER M IS USED TO MARK A MURDERER. HE'S LITERALLY MARKED AS A MURDERER BY PYRO. SOMETHING ABOUT THE SCENE WITH DEMOMAN AND DELL'S BAR BEING A REFERENCE TO A SCENE IN THE SHINING WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS LITERALLY TALKING TO A GHOST. SOMETHING ABOUT SCOUT'S MOTHER'S HEAD BEING HELD AROUND A CORNER AND DROPPED PARALLELING PYRO'S HEAD BEING HELD AROUND A CORNER AND DROPPED. SOMETHING ABOUT SCOUT'S "IF THEY EVER HIT YOU WITH SOMETHING, YOU HIT BACK TWICE AS HARD" WITH MEDIC SHOOTING SPY TWICE IN THE HEAD AFTER BEING SHOT ONCE IN THE GAME OF RUSSIAN ROULETTE WHY IS EMESIS BLUE SO GOOD

TF2 is in an eternal war with Overwatch for some reason

I was doing a poll a few days ago and the tags psychic blasted me with the information of "by the way people pay like fifty dollars to see medic's tiddies in game." I have gotten varying answers between ninety dollars to three hundred fucking dollars but the constant remains that people will pay Valve comically high amounts of money to see Medic's boobs. What

Scout almost got Earth exploded because he died a virgin???? But then God was like "Okay go back down to earth I'm giving them one last chance to all have sex with you" I'm so confused what does any of this mean none of this makes any sense but it's hilarious

Scout might be legitimately named after Jerma and bears a frightening resemblance to him (though to be fair scout is every white boy in one)

You should watch Emesis Blue it's free on youtube

Demoman's eye is sentient even though he doesn't have it????

I can't decide who's my favorite the white boy the unethical scientist or the silly nonbiney war criminal

Conclusion: What the fuck is team fortress the second one about

[roygbivvie]

-TF2 MERC KINKY HEADCANNONS-

*This is like my first time writing anything on here so have mercy on my mortal soul*

Nsfw warning obvi, so 18+..but also it gets pretty damn kinky in here so beware.

- [x] Spy

Spy in my mind is absolutely a switch. He absolutely has a daddy kink and a knife kink, but he also wants more than anything for someone (scouts mom) (or you ;0) to yank him down by his tie and force him to his knees. He likes surprises. These can be sexual in nature or not. I feel he would also like blindfolds regardless of who’s wearing it. covers your eyes and says “guess who” ass motherfucker. He’d growl too i think.

- [x] Sniper

many thoughts are to be had about this man in particular. For starters, by no means am i one to kink shame. My blog would be more of a testament to that if my likes were public. However, i simply do not think he has a piss kink. I think he puts absolutely no thought into pissing in jars besides the fact that it’s purposefully insulting to his targets in game. With that out of the way, his kinks. Do i even need to say primal kink? This fella read most dangerous game and thought: damn.. that’s kinda sexy. He wants to set you loose in the woods and track you down to fuck you. he wants it outside. he wants it dirty, sweaty, covered in blood and mud. He wants it animal style but literally. Aside from primal stuff, he loooves roadhead and hitting that thang from the back.

- [x] Scout

Now scout is a tricky one. Unlike basically all of the other mercs, i don’t think he’s super kinky. Here’s some thoughts anyways. He’d definitely start out kinda preformatively domineering, but the man has no ability to bluff. he’d ask constantly if he’s doing ok / if there’s something you want him to do. He is an absolute sucker for any praise. Compliment him on literally anything, and he’ll be a puddle in your lap.

- [x] Pyro

The mask STAYS. ON. during sex. The only way i could see them removing it is if they first blindfolded you. It’s not that they don’t trust you, they just refuse for absolutely anyone to see them. So i hope you have a mask kink, because they’ve certainly developed one. Other kinks they may have would be sensory play. I’m talkin hot wax, ice, feathers, incense, maybe even needles. basically the whole shebang. Pyro also has a love for fantasy, and i feel like Ovipositors would lend quite well to that. They probably have quite the extensive bad dragon collection.

- [x] Engineer

He absolutely makes you toys.. and them suckers are POWERFUL. He’d absolutely make a fuck machine, or several. I think he’s extra into having anything you use to get off be made by him. He’s mega into overstimulating you. He likes to watch his handiwork absolutely wreck you over and over. He may even want others to watch too. I think he’d have a size kink whether you’re bigger or smaller than him, I just think he’d like the difference.

- [x] Demo

I think he likes cuddlefucking and somnophilia. Nothin sobers him up faster than waking up to head. Now when he gets in the mood for it, it’s degradation BIG time. like so bad that he probably feels he has to apologize afterwards.

He also likes to spit on you. Also i don’t know how it would work, but there’s potential kink-ery with that ghost eye of his. I don’t know how, but the potential is there.

- [x] Medic

Oh boy this freak..

Did someone say knife kink? yea. yeaaaaah. And it’s pretty extreme. He’s not just threatening you, he’ll really do it. He likes to keep you strapped to a medical bed n shit too. I think he’d like to spoon-feed people. He gets off on giving you sugar pills to make you “feel better�� wait.. were those really sugar pills? fuck. You’ll wake up sore with maybe an organ or two missing, but that’s the price to pay for those big sexy jugs he’s got. Don’t worry he’s a master at aftercare.

- [x] Heavy

Size kink outta the way, I think Heavy is into Dollification. He wants to take care of you, dress you in frilly outfits, and keep you on a shelf like a little collectible next to Sasha. He might even share you with medic.. take you in to get “fixed” if he ever brakes you..

……….. fleshlight position 0////0

- [x] Soldier

WAM!!! (wet and messy) for sure. I mean the honey in the comics certainly did something for him. wearing red, white, and blue? you won’t be wearing anything in no time. I feel like degradation is also a certain for him. Don’t tell anyone but he secretly wants you to put him in his place .. he definitely doesn’t want more than anything to follow someone’s orders..

[theonemeathead]

Sniper x Reader, "Say My Name"

[NSFW!!] im soooo normal about sniper from tf2. ive actually had this fic sitting around for a while, just keep forgetting to post it!

tws for the use of the word 'sheila', implied fem reader. enjoy!

You had no idea how it had gotten to this point. One moment you were laughing, cutting up with everyone over a game of cards, next thing, you were in a full-blown heated argument with your lover. Hardly, did you and Sniper ever truly argue, and when you did, it was normally you fussing at him, and him, sitting there, calm and level-headed, listening. There were a few outlier moments (like all long-term relationships), where things got bad, but never like this.

Now, you were standing in his camper, both of you spatting at each other as it escalated from frustration to a full-on screaming match. And it didn't seem to get any better. Sniper had said something during the game and it set you off for the night; Something about how 'he can see the looks you give the others'. Now, you understood Sniper was possessive, but the way he snapped at you earlier had stuck with you. And the worst part? He didn't even say sorry. You knew it was irrational to be upset, but things had been piling up for days, and this was the breaking point; The final drop of water into a cracking dam of emotions.

"Don't give me that, sheila, I'm not in the mood," He turned his back to you, waving you off with his hand as he marched towards the fridge. It always bothered you when he seemed disinterested in your arguments.

"Oh, you're not in the mood? What about me? What about how I feel?!" You huffed, crossing your arms. You waited for him to respond, slightly trembling with anger as he seemed to dismiss you, inspecting the label of a beer he found instead. "You accuse me of being disloyal and then ignore me? That's unfair, and you know it—"

"It's not an accusation if I'm tellin' the truth, yeah? Crikey, I see the way the doc treats ya on the battlefield, sheila, I'm not bloody blind!" He slammed the glass bottle on the counter, whipping around to face you with such ferocity that, for the first time ever, you had actually feared him. You stood your ground, shrinking slightly as he stomped towards you, his voice getting louder and angrier as he did. "And I ignored it, brushed it off as simple banter, yeah? But when he started touchin' ya, feelin' up on what's mine?"

"He doesn't 'feel up on me', Sniper. He's doing a rushed medical examination, I would know if it was sexually charged." You bit back, a slight snarl forming on your lips. Sniper froze. You never called him by his title, only when you were really upset. You knew it got to him, would agitate him more.

"That's not my name, roo."

Woah. You immediately felt your face flush red. The way his tone darkened, the way he stood as still as a tree over you, it made your thighs squeeze together. You'd be lying if you denied it didn't get you hot under the collar, the predatory gaze in his eyes as he spoke. Even with a raised voice, there was a certain underlying gravel in his tone that followed. No sane person should be turned on by their boyfriend's anger, but you could tell Sniper was about 30 seconds away from pushing you up against the nearest surface and showing you who you belong to.

"You're Sniper when you're mean."

You swallowed thickly, noticing how he kept pursuing you. You backed up, stopping abruptly when you hit the farthest wall in his camper van. He slammed his hands on either side of your face, leaning down as he growled slightly in your ear. You pushed yourself, flush, against the wall. You pushed your legs together, your knees threatening to buckle just from the sheer ecstasy that was Sniper's voice whispering, dirty talking you, right in your ear.

"You wanna see mean, love? I'll show you mean."

You felt goosebumps pin up all over your body. Before you could retort, Sniper had latched himself onto your neck. He would start with a kiss, the sweetness of his lips a cruel cover-up for when he sunk his sharp canines into the same spot. He left multiple dark, visible marks, most starting at your jaw, trailing down into your nape and ending near your collarbone. He wanted to claim you, show everyone you were his.

You wanted to fight back; To be a general nuisance and continue arguing... but it was obvious it would be futile. He was going to put you in your place, regardless. He was Sniper, like you said, after all.

He didnt even bother to strip you completely. He hastily unbuttoned your pants, slipping them down with your panties in one swift motion. The clothing articles sat at your knees, effectively hindering your ability to run away, if you so desired. You were flipped over so your back was turned to him instead, now. Instinctively, you put your hands against the wall to brace yourself. With one hand on his cock, the other on your shoulder, he began, teasingly, rubbing the head of his length against your core. You whined, grinding back to get any sort of relief. You felt the rumbling of his low laugh, as if he was getting off on how desperate you were. Here you were, acting all high and mighty, now reduced to a brainless toy for him to play with.

"What's the matter, roo? Need somethin'?"

"Mundy, please—" He took a fistful of your hair, yanking on it to force you to arch. Your head leaned back, giving you an upside-down view of the sinister smirk on his face.

"Oh, I'm Mundy again? I don't think so, love. You asked for this." He punctuated his sentence with a deep thrust, bottoming out fully inside you in one movement. It caught you off guard, eliciting an involuntary moan. You felt your eyes water, your walls squeezing and constricting around Sniper's lengthy cock.

He started off agonizingly slow, pulling almost all the way out, just to push himself back in to the hilt. You could feel his tip brushing against your cervix, making you wet with even more need than before. Normally, he was an animal. When he was horny, he didn't hesitate to hold back on ravaging your body. But, this was Sniper, the trained assassin that could wait hours to get the perfect shot. He was a hunter, a man who didn't 'muck about' when it came to ensnaring his prey. This wasn't your typical, sweet boyfriend who went on camping trips and sang you poor covers of songs by The Who.

His pace quickened with desperation. Vulgar sounds of skin hitting skin echoed through the quietness of his vehicle, followed by a harmony of whimpers and mewls from you as he fucked into your body ruthlessly. He let go of your hair, instead, he dug his nails into the meat of your hips, leaving crescent-shaped indents in his wake. His grip was bruising, along with his thrusts now. You still held yourself up against the wall, albeit shakily.

"Mick, please! I'm so close—" He had slowed his pace, coming to a complete stop. Confused, all you could do was whine at the lack of stimulation. And that's when it hit you.

He wanted you to beg. He wanted you to degrade yourself, to fully give in like a wounded rabbit caught in the hinges of a beartrap.

"C'mon, sheila, you're a clever one. You know what I want." The praise from his gravelly voice, alone, was enough to get you to crumble.

"I— Please, Mick, I'm sorry for calling you 'Sniper', it won't happen again, just please—"

"You're just making this harder for yourself, love."

"Fine—Ok! Please, Mundy, I need it, I need it so bad. I want you to fuck me, and only you!" Your voice quivered with desperation. This seemed to appease him as he went back to where he left off. Every drag of his dick against your wet core felt heavenly. It wasn't long until that build-up happened again, that tight coil forming as his tip abused your g-spot.

"You're mine, roo. Got it?" He panted, groaning softly as he felt you tighten around him, as you got closer to your climax. "Say it, sheila."

"I'm yours! I'm yours, Mick!" As if on cue, you felt your orgasm crash over you. You squeezed your eyes shut, your body tensing around his cock deliciously harder. This seemed to push him over the edge, his hips snapping against your ass as he went as deep as he could, filling you to the brim with his cum. He pulled out, catching his breath as he watched his seed spill out of you, as it began to drip from in-between your legs. He grinned, proud of his work. With a light slap on your ass, you slumped against the wall, completely exhausted and limp.

Sniper sat on the ground beside you, pulling your sore body towards him. You rested your head on his shoulder, comforted by the faint scent of umber and the soft thumping of his heart. Tiredly, you looked up at him.

"So, I'm going to assume you don't think I'm gonna leave you for one of our teammates anymore?" You teased slightly, although there was a hint of sincerity in your question. You really didn't want anyone else, but him, and you'd be damned if he didn't know it.

"I'm sorry about that, roo. Just really love ya, 's all." He avoided your gaze, sheepishly looking at the ground instead.

"I love you too, Mundy. I promise, you're the only one I've got eyes for. I'm not going anywhere."

"You better not, or Sniper's gonna have to hunt'cha down and give you a real bloody drubbin'." You planted a chaste kiss on his lips, effectively shutting him up. Yawning, you laid your head back down, snuggling into his side as you both laid against the wall.

Being a mercenary was, in fact, a good job.

[akayralylegacy]

EMESIS BLUE IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I EVER WATCHED

Yeah, this is going to be some sort of analysis bc I am having a massive brainrot about this movie and I HAVE to share my thoughts of it somewhere, so I hope you enjoy reading this huge post ig lmao

Btw, if you're a person who doesn't like spoilers... SPOILERS WARNING IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET (and plan to do so)!!!

First, yeah, for those who didn't know I've been really into TF2 since last month, and being a very new fan, I started watching lots of SFMs and vids in a row to catch up with all the memes and lore, and well, I stumbled across EMESIS BLUE. And, it got me caught up with its plot/concept and the overall movie itself SO MUCH that I will never think of TF2 the same way-

No I mean, I know TF2 is more humoristic and stuff most of the time, the canon comics themselves have lots of funny moments of nonsense and weird situations, and not even counting the zillions of memes the community has created, those being pure gold. I love the comedic silliness from the comics and memes, plus the chaotic vibe from the game itself is just so fucking funny and stupid I always burst into laughter

But, TF2...with... horror? That's a combination I never thought I'd like so much. The whole concept of the respawn machine not working like it was supposed to, making them suffer from physical and/or mental problems after each respawn, creating an eternal loop of suffering, breaking the characters' sense of reality, torturing them by having to wait an eternity within some sort of limbo of "afterlife"...bro that's so...so disturbing yet so amazing at the same time. The fact the respawn machine caused Scout to develop brain atrophy, decreasing his IQ score and causing dementia and schizophrenia symptoms, while Medic developed some sort of split personality and schizophrenia as well, and you know that each time they return it will just get worse and worse, even them reckoning it later on. It's...just, it is simply horrifying.

The movie's atmosphere is so well made and constructed that I was tense from start to end, I felt like I was inside the movie, like I was witnessing all the carnage and agony of each one of the characters from up close. Like, there was practically no calm moment during those whole (almost) 2 hours of movie, but at the same time so many stuff happens very quickly, it also seems to go a bit slow but not in a bad way, and the details are shown here and there bit by bit. I like very detailed stories that construct the events based on its slow pace, revealing stuff on its right time, but on the other hand, being mixed with agitation, brutality and things happening in a flash. I hope you can understand what I'm saying? I hope I am being able to explain it well, but I think you get what I mean.

Cinematography wise, everything is stunning. The animation, the effects, the light and shadow, the colors and textures, sounds and background music, everything so well made, if you pay attention you can notice tiny details that make a lot of difference and make it even more agonizing yet thrilling to watch. I was so impressed with it just from the start. I mean, the animation>>>>

The quality being SO. GOOD considering it was animated purely on SFM??? THAT'S SO FUCKING IMPRESSIVE AND JAWDROPPING LIKE THAT'S SUCH A BANGER I COULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT.

Dialogue and quotes is something to be noted out as well. Many dialogues made such impact to the movie, some quotes making more sense later on as the movie progresses. I swear, that moment where Soldier is in a black n white room, with all those skeletons sitting around a table, and the sound at the background is a phone call from Jules to Blutarch, where Jules says: "We have about 800.000 corpses on the site," that line hit me SO HARD I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN. This is SO. FUCKING. DARK AND MORBID BRO I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK

Not only this one but lots of lines caught my attention and hit me so hard, like:

"You ever get the feeling like you're being watched?"

"Doc, I was at the second floor"

"Some get stuck inside trying to come through"

"You don't want to know..."

"It's eternity in there"

"Longer than you think..."

"Who was there to save me, Jules?"

"And I'm giving you exactly what you deserve"

"See you on the other side..."

ISTG THESE ARE SO??? LIKE, THEY HIT SO HARD AND I GOT CHILLS FROM SOME OF THOSE

Also, the voice acting, OOOH THE VOICE ACTING. Some people say it wasn't that good because many characters were voiced by Chad Payne himself, however I think it shows quite a talent from him to voice numerous characters tbh, even if he couldn't perfectly change the voice to fit all the characters 100% it doesn't mean his voice acting isn't good! I think he did an amazing job :]

And all the other voice actors as well, all of them are so amazing and I loved their acting so fucking much, but shoutout to Jazzyjoeyjr (voice of Soldier) and Cameron Nichols (voice of Scout) bc bro YOU DUDES DID A *PERFECT* JOB I SWEAR-

Talking abt moments of the movie that impacted me so much, I think it was Scout's death, and well uh, many Soldier moments tbh. Scout's death scene was agonizing to watch, I was in total despair hearing his screams at the background while Medic was trying to kill Maynard, I was almost having a crisis I was almost yelling of desperation I was like: COME ON MEDIC PLEASE GO SAVE HIM ISTG

It was SO. FUCKING. SAD. AND UNFAIR. I will never get over that moment.

Soldier's moments? Bro, he was the most sane out of everyone, which says a lot... and he was the ONLY one to indeed survive, without dying at any moment. He witnessed it all, the death of his best friend, Fritz shooting himself right in front of him, the pile of bodies, the truth being revealed....everything.

It even saddens me to imagine what could be passing through Soldier's mind after all those events, he seen gruesome and horrifying shit throughout the movie.

So, long-story short, EMESIS BLUE is a fucking MASTERPIECE that traumatized me for LIFE (in a good way), and I highly recommend you to watch it if you haven't yet, I am impressed with it and it doesn't get out of my head I am so fucking obsessed with it ISTG-

[miintsprigz]

Trying something new…

TF2 mercs with a reader experiencing a panic attack. Gender neutral.

This has Engie, Medic, and Scout, cuz I love those three especially. Not sure if I can do requests, but I could try.

Notes: I’ve never had the pleasure of actually playing the game because my technology is very limited (one day…), but I love the characters. If my writing for the mechanics is wack, that’s why.

I also know it would be hard to have a panic disorder and be a mercenary, but I feel like it could still happen sometimes. They’re still human.

Warnings: descriptions of panic attacks and other mental health ailments that may be associated with them, including dissociation, hyperventilation, insomnia, and hallucinations.

Engineer:

-You had been forced into a corner. Inching closer and closer to respawn by the second.

-How many more hits could you take? You weren’t sure. But you didn’t want to go through that again…it had happened so many times…maybe you truly were losing your touch.

-The breath hitched in your throat, and tears threatened to spill down your face. Please…please just leave me alone…!

-A voice crooned from just behind him. The sadistic grin was wiped off your attacker’s face as he received a bright bolt of light to the back of his head, slumping over with a thud.

- “That’s just about enough a’ that, son.” Engineer, with the Short Circuit still smoking, looked down at you. ��Ah…” Even with his eyes covered by his goggles, you could see the pleased smirk drop immediately as he retracted the weapon.

-Maybe it was the visible concern, maybe it was the fact that you didn’t have to be in fight or flight anymore, but the dam broke. You couldn’t breathe, every attempt at getting air came out in sharp gasps, audibly sobbing.

-“C’mere, darlin’…how bad did he getcha… Whoa—”

-You clamped your arms around him when he went to help you up, holding for dear life as your face quickly became slick with tears. “T-too close…I, I almost…oh my gosh…”

-Engie went rigid for a moment, clearly not expecting the sudden grasp, not knowing what to do.

-Machines, those he knew how to fix. But to find one of his closest teammates broken down crying in his arms, shaking like a leaf… how could he fix that? Could he…? Surely, surely he could. He would. That was his job!

-Slowly, warmly, two strong arms wrapped around you, stroking your shoulder with his thumb.

-“Now, now, honey…don’t you cry, I got ‘em for ya. And if anyone lays another finger on ya, they’re gettin’ a wrench to the dome, hear me?” You nodded quick, curling your head into his shoulder.

-“Let’s get you outta here, we’ll find the doc together, patch you up. Up ya go…”

-Assuming you didn’t start walking by yourself, he did his best to smoothly transfer you out of the embrace and into a close carry.

-You still struggled to catch your breath, and as he picked his pace up, you rested your head against his chest.

-Feeling his voice reverberate, you heard him humming the song he’d been softly singing the other night. The same one you had fallen asleep to. Trying to soothe you, in his own sort of way.

Medic

-Burning. Burning all over. That’s all you remember. You’d dropped your guard…there was just a Pyro and a Scout left, and you’d ended up completely burned.

-As you were brought back, you found that you couldn’t stand.

-Medic hurried up to you as you dropped to your knees, MediGun in hand. “Ah, wunderbar (wonderful)! I have saved a charge just for you, let’s go finish—oh. (Y/N), was ist los (what’s the matter)???”

-You grasped at your arms, your legs, you swore you could still feel the flames licking at you. Your breathing sped up, feeling your heart pounding in your ears.

-Medic may have had his license revoked, but he still knew exactly what this was.

-As you tried to get up and listen to what he had been telling you to do, he immediately stood in front of you. “Nein, I cannot in good conscience let you go back out right now. Bitte (please), (Y/N), sit down.”

-Plunking yourself right back down on the floor, you fought hard against the tightness that was forming in your throat. “That…that freaking sucked…”

-“I know that it did.” Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him moving to put an arm around your shoulder, giving you a moment to back away if you needed to.

-He seemed surprised when you instead leaned against him, trying your best to keep yourself together.

-“Oh! …ah, Liebe, that is not one you recover from quickly. Sit still…it’s okay.”

-The doctor reached over and softly ruffled your hair, his touch surprisingly gentle. A few tears escaped your eyes, but you were beginning to catch your breath again.

-“I know I was a bit strict, but…sending you out like this could easily get you killed again…and we do not want that.”

-Medic stared daggers towards the direction of the scent of smoke. How dare they set you ablaze. He’d make sure to take them out in pieces…

-The thought of bloodshed nearly drove him to his feet, almost hungry for it, but as he looked at you, he dropped his shoulders. We can get revenge later. They need me right now.

-“Liebe, listen. Don’t work so hard, alright? It’s no good for your heart… There will be hell to pay for that…for now though...stay here. And I’ll stay too, if it helps. I just healed everyone, I think they’ll be good.”

-You glanced up at him. “Are you comfortable like this?” He rolled his eyes wearily, but chuckled.

-“Me? I’m just fine.”

Scout

-The enemy Spy had been absolutely unrelenting for the last few days. Nowhere was safe. Nowhere at all.

-You were so anxious about going back to that the next day that it was even beginning to mess with your sleep. You swear you saw shadows moving, eyes in the dark…the lack of sleep only made it worse.

-Every encounter with that menace ran through your mind, playing on repeat as you stared at the ceiling. Finally, you decided to give up on sleep and go back downstairs.

-Upon seeing a shadow standing in the darkness, you couldn’t help but stumble backwards with a gasp, fumbling for a weapon that wasn’t anywhere near you.

-“Whoa! Hey pal, whatcha doin’ up right now?”

-The voice was clearly that of the Scout…or maybe that was what he wanted you to think.

-Unable to catch your breath, you ended up with your back to a wall, hands up in front of you in a panic. You saw Scout through your fingers—and quickly-accumulating tears at the corners of your vision. He looked…worried. Extremely so.

-Scout was confused, not atypical for him. But why were they so afraid? He hadn’t been too loud, had he? “…(Y/N)…it’s me, Scout. Jeremy. Ya…ya don’t gotta be scared. I’m sorry…didn’t mean ta scare ya.”

-Your hands visibly shook as you looked at him, desperately searching for some sign that could tell you if this was real or fake. “…you’re the real one…?”

-Oh. They were scared about the Spy…that scared? He’d noticed they’d been acting way different.

-“It’s the real me, (Y/N). Ain’t no freakin’ Spy gettin’ in here with me around. I’d never lie to ya, so please…”

-Somehow this did the trick. You fell apart, crying into your hands, which were cold and clammy at this point, ashamed of your own fear. “I’m sorry! …I’m sorry…”

-“Hey…it’s okay, I gotcha…” Scout knelt down in front of them, holding his empty hands out. Maybe if they see I’m not armed, it’ll help?

-You felt a gentle tap on your knee. Pulling one hand back, you found Scout holding his own out to you. “C’mere a sec.”

-Taking his hand, his fingers carefully intertwined with yours. You could feel the roughness around his palm from the constant grip on his bat.

-His eyes were bright, even in the dark. “That Spy? He’s a wuss, ya hear me? All talk. And next time we go up against him, we’re gonna send him back to his base pissin’ himself and cryin’ for his ma, cuz nobody messes with us, right?”

-You couldn’t help but crack a smile as he tried to rally you, in the carefree cocky way he always did. “Y-yeah…that’s right.”

-“You know it! We’ll win, we always do! And if he gets anywhere near you, I’ll whack his friggin’ lights out, so don’t you worry, doll! Not out there…and not here.”

-With this, he pulled you in by the hand and wrapped his arms around you, giving you a firm pat on the back. “You know I’d never let anybody hurt ya, right?”

-“Y-yeah…thank you. Sorry I got so scared.”

“Don’t gotta apologize for nothin’. He’s a creep, I don’t blame ya. But that’s all he is.”

-Your eyelids were now growing heavy, and a quiet yawn interrupted the conversation.

-“Sleep, (Y/N). I’m right here. Ain’t nothin’ gonna touch ya with me here.”

[simp999]

Hello! I’m so happy to see that your requests are open~

If it’s okay to ask, I’m currently experiencing serious overworking at one of my two jobs, and tbh TF2 x reader content has been my comfort through it.

Could you have either medic or scout (completely up to you) just being there for an overworked y/n that comes back from their job frustrated and tired?

Asking anonymously cuz I’m nervous lol

Medic x Overworked! Reader

A/N: Hello! Sorry for taking so long my dear, I haven't really been doing requests lately! I hope your jobs are going well, and you aren't still too overworked! I was very much in the mood to write some medic, and your request felt perfect- sorry if it's too short! ^^

Wc: 850

Masterlist

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You sigh as you shut the door, tempted to sit down and fall asleep right then and there. You manage to drop your bags and completely forget about the kitchen entirely, going straight to your room. Most of the mercs were sitting in their game room playing poker or some card game. For once, Medic was there too. Usually, he's caught up with work or some surgeries, but he wanted to make sure he was there when you came back, expecting some kind of acknowledgment from his beloved.

He wasn't sad that you didn't even seem to notice him- no, he was sad at how exhausted you seemed, and it only became worse by the day. Your shoulders were stiff, back slumped, and those eyebags surely weren't any good. He swiftly made his way over to his lab, grabbing anything he needed and shed his gloves and lab coat, leaving him in his vest.

A soft knock on your door rang out, but there was no response. He carefuly opened it only to find you almost completely out, half stirring as the light from the hallway hit your eyes. He pushed a few things on your side table out of the way so he could place his things down. His brows knit even further together seeing how much of a mess your room was. This couldn't be good for your health. You were about to sit it, finally recognizing the person in front of you. Before you could, he gently caressed your cheek with his thumb and then checked your temperature on your forehead. While gently caressing your skin, he subtly checked your pulse too, then traced his thumb over your lips, checking your breathing. All your vitals were fine, maybe your heart was a bit fast- but you two have come to realize it's just because your heart always raced a bit in his presence.

The first time it happened and he noticed was during a routine checkup- it was cute, really. Right around the time you got together, he planted an absentminded kiss on your forehead right before checking your pulse, and you had to wait a few minutes before even bothering to try again. It didn't calm down all that much because your heart sped up every time you even thought about that kiss, but he managed to get a reading anyway.

Back to the situation at hand. He gently picked up your hand in his large one and began to ask you some questions. How much sleep you've been getting, how much and often you've been eating and drinking water. You knew not to lie as he'd see right through you, and you didn't want to make him unhappy. All of your answers were... not healthy ones, to say the least.

"Do you think you'd be able to eat a bit right now, or is food too tough?"

"My legs are too tired to-"

"Not what I asked, Liebe."

Ah.. was he gonna go get you something? What a sweetheart. You smiled and nodded, and he asked if he could leave just for a moment.

He found you once again resting with your eyes closed. This time you weren't almost knocked out, just waiting patiently for him. He brought you some fruit cut into cute little shapes- stars, hearts,- he really is adorable. He placed the plate on your lap before eyeing you up and down- you were still in your work outfit. While you ate, he walked over to where you kept your clothes. You gave him a questionning look before he pull out your most comfortable pijamas; some he gave you a while back.

Once you were done eating, leaving a few pieces, he helped you onto the ledge of the bed. He helped you take off your clothes with such gentleness, buttoning up your pijama top and letting you pull your cozy pants on. All of this was done purely out of affection and kindness and you felt nothing but safe and comfortable with him- nothing sexual whatsoever. He offered you a "warm" smile as he adjusted the collar of your top. (He's not that good at smiling but you've learned to love that small quirk. You knew what his intent was.)

He helped tuck you in and grabbed another leftover piece of fruit to bring to your lips after he did. Back to caressing your skin and gently tracing shapes all over your arms, collarbone, upper chest- it didn't take much to get you all sleepy, so it was definetly doing its job.

"Ich liebe dich, mein lieblingsengel."

You groggily answered him, just below a whisper;

"Ich liebe... dich auch..."

He melted at the sight before him. He adjusted your hair, pushing a few strands away from your forehead.

He never liked that you had a job on top of being a mercenary- being a merc was tough enough on the body and mental health as is. But that's why he's there.

To be your doctor,- to be the one to take care of you.

.

.

.

Mar.4.24

[archiarthur]

Hello tf2 community

*yeets in the reference of my TF2 sona/10th class here *

Their info below

Artur or Ania (any pronouns), is a Polish person who is not affriad to cuss somone one,theyre a bit too bold sometimes. Theyre honest and in the game evem have voicelines where they can criticize- sometimes slipping in a little of polish- the enemy when using the jeers command.

They care about their team but also likes to fend off alone. They'll help them out, even when off work sometimes shell help them with personal things, like giving an extra hand to Engineer, Medic, drawing with Pyro or try to make Scout less of a fool to Miss Pauling. They also get along with Heavy, sharing a love for the slavic cultures and getting nostalgic together.

They come from a village in the Greater Poland.They studied Architecture and English, but even though she studied English, she slips in her polish language sometimes, not really caring if shes fluent enough or not,as long as the team gets the memo shes fine.

Why the name intern:

Theyre an intern beacuse the company thought the Medic could use some help,and he wasnt enough. This made the relentionship between the two sour at first as it seemed like an insult to Medic. They eventually got along, Ania isnt much of a fan to medecine the way Medic likes it,sometimes find themesleves disgusted, but helps anyway making them thinking that perhaps going as an architect was a better idea for a life career.

Mechanic:

Their job is to help Medic on the battlefied heal people he cannot reach or is too busy, these people are who are in the front lines,enemy lines, or far away or in dangerous places. The intern doesnt heal as much as The Medic does, they are able to throw the bottle on the ground,creating a splash similliar to jarate or mad milk, thatll heal the team small amounts of HP over time. This is their middle ranged weapon. They can also use diffrent bottles like shield,critz and posion. Critz and Shield work the same,but each boost is small and the recharge of the bottles is much more slower than the stock healing ones. The Poison recharges a little bit slower than Healing,but not as slow as Critz and Shield, these are instead used on the enemy if the player decises to go a more aggresive route,also giving and alernative to self defence.

The badminton is a long range weapon, diffrent weapons exist but this is their stock. They use the badminton to throw the bottles further away than they normally do and much faster. The further the shot,the better the effect, if its used under their feet the effect is much more weak.

The knife is used for mainly self defance, is causes bleeding when hitting an enemy. Alernatives exist but this is the stock.

Theyre a support character and a 10th class

[burgersnacksformax]

Tf2 mercs playing Lethal Company

Scout

Will laugh at you if you die and then proceed to get fuckin anhiliated immediately after

Spews the funniest shit when hes afraid and has genuinely tried flirting w one of the monsters to see if his "charm" would woo it

without fail when he finds a giant axel will go "yo get on my pipe". Nobody knows why he says it or how he came up with it.

Really bad at being the person commanding from the ship because he'll go "monster in the room on your left. No, the other left ! WAIT ITS COMING CLOSER GO TO THE ROOM ON THE RIGHT.. THE OTHER RIGHT !!!"

The second most annoying person to get his hands on a horn, with the first being Pyro.

Is actually good at figuring out how to deal with certain monsters, but is not as good at actually doing it

Soldier

Doesnt remember the names of the monsters and just calls them by names he made up, which confuses the shit out of everyone until they figure out which is which.

Tries to fight every single monster and only wins half of the time.

Gives motivational speeches inside the ship

adores using walky talkies so he can use military terms.

Hes a real team player you can rely on, but has died several times because he refused to leave behind any of his mens corpses.

Is really bad at making parkour jumps but refuses to accept defeat and then falls to his death every time

Pyro

Insists on buying a shovel every time so they can run blindly into the darkess and beat the shit out of monsters.

They honestly dont even know you can scan stuff theyll just run in guns blazing.

100% stepped onto a landmine like "oh whats this do ?"

Tried to befriend the bug mafia and fucked the whole team over by giving the bugs all the loot in the facility.

Also never give them a horn.

Likes to sing along to the ice cream truck song

Heavy

nobody ever knows if hes died or if hes still alive cause he doesnt fucking talk.

He jumpscares people usually on accident

Is very brave and will be the one to take the lead if everyone is bickering or too afraid.

Gives very clear instructions from the ship

Just enjoys seeing everyone have fun.

Reads the bestiary thoroughly and loves scanning creatures just so he can read about them later

Demoman

the glue of the team honestly

he doesnt take it very seriously so he dies a LOT and makes the best fucking screams as he goes out.

Loves using stun grenades and then beating the crap out of enemies with Pyro.

Really good at giving directions from the ship but he hardly ever does it cause hes constantly chasing the serotonin high of collecting loot.

Sings when hes scared.

Has been chased by the ghost girl several times and then gaslit into thinking he's just going insane

Engineer

Likes learning abt the monsters' attack patterns and figuring out how to deal with each one of them.

Will advise everyone with well thought out plans which always fall apart when everyone inevitably scatters in terror.

Found a stop sign and likes hitting monsters w it and telling them to "stop it".

Will say the weirdest southern shit when he's scared.

Works quite well with Medic cause they both like to come overprepared, so they tend to tag team while everyone else runs off

Medic

Has a fucking tierlist of every item in the shop, and impulse buys if its on sale.

Uses most of his inventory slots for equipment to "be prepared" and then cant carry back loot.

Died at the company by ringing the bell 1000 times.

Enjoys giving commands from the ship and shit talking the others when they cant hear him.

Never shuts up so has died to eyeless dogs several times.

Becomes a top tier voice actor when playing this game due to The Horrors

Sniper

hates the game but is too prideful to admit it.

When giving commands on the ship, its all fun and games until someone doesnt listen to his advice about a certain room being dangerous, and he starts yelling at them thru the walky talky.

Insists on bringing a weapon of some sort but doesnt fucking use it bcs he will turn tail and run if there are any monsters.

Died by quicksand an embarrassing amount of times.

Has "accidentally" killed Scout with a shovel during "friendly banter"

Spy

honestly just loves to gaslight the shit out of people.

Will withhold information about if theres a monster when commanding from the ship, and then tell them at the last second just to hear the others scream through the walky talky.

Got scared once and screamed like a cat getting its tail stepped on, and ever since then they stopped playing because the game "encourages immature behaviour" and not because he doesnt wanna make a fool of themself

[star47]

Little pause from mcr to show y'all my tf2 oc Dove! She would be medics young new assistant who also has a set of mechanical wings which allow her to super jump snd float for a while. She's very fast, agile and in game would have a small hit box and give you a quick heal when Medic cant get to you. I hope you like her! Any questions about her are welcome in the comments!

[singularsoldier]

Why Scout and Miss Pauling are a terrible ship

Alrighty, if you’ve been into tf2 for awhile, you’ve definitely seen this pairing pop up. This whole thing is probably gonna sound like I’m beating a dead horse, but I wanna give my full two cents on these two using canon material (comics, game, and Expiration Date). Before I dive in, my stance on these two is 100% never gonna change. Save the counterarguments and keep scrolling

VOICE LINES

In the game, Miss Pauling has a lot of voice lines both towards the individual mercs and to the player themselves. However, how she speaks to Scout vs everyone else is drastically different. Let’s look at Scout’s when given a contract:

Starting off, Miss Pauling is…pretty rude towards him. “Wrap up whatever you’re bragging about” “I’m assuming you’re talking right now. Please stop” and others. It’s evident that she doesn’t want to hear a word out of his mouth. As we all know, Scout talk A LOT, but if she liked him to any degree, she wouldn’t be this mean towards him. If anyone even tries to say “well maybe she’s mean bc she likes him” no. Sorry, not how healthy relationships work. If anything, that further proves my point on why they’re terrible together.

Now, lets look at other lines (I’m too lazy to add everyone):

See the major difference? Miss Pauling isn’t mean, rude, or dismissive. She’s friendly! She’s joking! Lines like these show that Miss Pauling considers Engie (and everyone else) her friends. Scout gets nothing like that.

By the way, Miss Pauling canonically hangs out with the mercs (and Saxton’s assistant Bidwell). When you look at her contract lines with everyone else (including Bidwell), she’s cheerful and having fun. Scout on the other hand? She’s a frustrated dungeon master because Scout wants to make a muscle wizard and won’t stop flexing.

My experience with dungeon masters has been “fuck it, be whoever you want”. I had the dumbest, weirdest characters, and the DMs didn’t care! That’s the fun of d&d (g&g for tf2). Miss Pauling not letting Scout have a buff wizard, and Scout not even trying to follow the rules, shows how incompatible they are. Neither of them are willing to make a compromise especially because of the fact that Scout’s a pretty narcissistic guy. He’s a pathological liar in the comics (which are coming up) to impress people. Who wants to date that?

Onto the congratulations:

Pretty standard, right? Nothing extraordinary or, honestly, anything outside of standard professionalism. Scout gets a quick thanks and the line goes dead.

For anyone else:

The other classes get something Scout doesn’t: enthusiasm. Miss Pauling is beaming in her lines for the other classes. Also, Scout has the least amount of congratulations (only 5) out of everyone. Miss Pauling also says to a few other classes “i owe you one” and “i knew you could do it”. Again, ten times friendlier than how she speaks to Scout. If she liked Scout, she would have similar lines or ones that are even a bit flirtatious. Nope. Nada.

COMICS

If you’ve only played the game, you’re missing out! The comics are great (and unfinished), and they also reveal more of how Miss Pauling engages with Scout. For example:

Immediately stopping him from talking again, and straight up letting him get hanged. If that was my crush, I would, you know, not let go so they don’t die. She has very little regard for Scout outside of “annoying guy I work with”. Hell, she canonically spends more time with virtually every other class (aside from Engie obviously and maybe Medic) than with Scout. Another thing in the comics:

This right here. Scout has been working for Mann Co. for six years (meaning he joined at 21). In six years, Miss Pauling has made zero indication of liking him. What person goes six years without even trying to flirt or even hit on with their crush? Especially when Scout is VERY LOUD about his infatuation. Even the biggest introvert would jump on that free chance.

Oh, another thing! When Scout tries to get some alone time with her (while fighting for their lives) she turns him down. Pauling would rather watch Soldier and Zhanna fight naked while cover in honey than go with Scout (who wouldn’t?) which, when you think about it, caused Scout’s death because he faced the Spy bots alone. Sorry Scout, ass and tiddies are more important than you!

EXPIRATION DATE

The long adored sfm video. While the video pretty much cements Scout’s feelings for Miss Pauling, it also cements her lack thereof. Lets dig in:

First off, we know that Scout only had the bravery to ask her out because he thought he was dying. How does he invite her? By setting off the briefcase alarm!

As Miss Pauling says, it’s “the one button he’s never supposed to touch”. Not only that, but it wasted her only day off of the year. A fact she is visibly pissed about and refers to a couple times. Scout was pretty selfish to do that. Another thing, Pauling repeatedly refers to the “date” as a prom. (“Are you guys having a prom?”) She literally had no idea Scout was asking her out. Why? Lets face it, she would say no or dismiss him yet again. Even Scout knew that, so he faked a literal emergency that forces her to visit. Once again, lying to try and impress her with a date.

So, Scout comes up with an elaborately self centered plan to get Miss Pauling to come to the base, and when she wants to storm out, he desperately tries to save face with dinner. Cue our bread monster fight where Scout confesses that he likes her. And her response? Nothing. Throughout the whole sequence, Miss Pauling doesn’t answer or even respond to a word he says. You’d think if you were in mortal danger, you’d tell your crush “i love you! Now help me kill this bread monster”

At the end, Scout says “so its a date?” To which our beloved Miss Pauling says, “well, no. You did waste my one day off”. Not only that, but Pauling even offers for him to join her on missions, which he instantly says no to. Idk about you, but I’d bury bodies with my crush any day of the week. The fact that Scout was offered multiple chances to even be near Miss Pauling willingly, yet turned them down, is pretty telling of his character.

Scout wants a date, yes, but how he envisions it. Typical candles and pretty lights with a pretty girl. Meaning, what he enjoys and what he sees their romantic life being like. Not shaving off fingerprints or hiding bodies. Things Miss Pauling does literally 24/7. You know, things she likes doing. Its evident in her vacation lines that she wants to go back to work and that she isn’t a fan of vacations. Once again, Scout’s selfishness stops him from getting anywhere near the girl he’s obsessed with.

So, we have: Pauling doesn’t want to hear Scout’s voice, she’s barely cordial with him, she sees Scout as at best a coworker, and she was, indirectly, responsible for his death. (Note: not making this into A Point, its just fucking hilarious).

All in all, these two have no chemistry. Scout has a six year long obsession, and Miss Pauling has a six year long distain for our quirked up white boy. Their whole dynamic is the age old “dumb jackass loser wants pretty girl” and lets face it, we’re sick of that. Scout couldn’t even come up with a reasonable, honest way to see Miss Pauling in person. He selfishly wanted a date (that fits his myopic view of what dating Miss Pauling looks like) and didn’t care how he got it.

I’m not trying to attack anyone with this post. Its a ship analysis, and I hope it at least points out the major flaws between them. Unless Scout changes his entire personality (he won’t), Miss Pauling is never gonna like him.